Nigerian Filmmaker Ore Badmus Wants Women To Embrace Growing Older
Written by Angel Nduka-Nwosu
In most Black communities, women are raised to see marriage and children as necessary rites of passage that mark one as truly woman.
The pressure to marry and have kids takes on increased momentum in African countries like Nigeria, where it has been documented that single women have worn wedding gowns to prayer meetings to "manifest" a husband in the coming year.
This desire for women to marry, have kids and in some instances achieve some career goals gets intensified as a woman nears the age of thirty. Women are raised to see growing older and turning thirty as things to be scared of, making most Nigerian women hide their ages to avoid the judgment that can come from not meeting age-based societal expectations.
It is this mindset that Ore Badmus, a Nigerian filmmaker, actor and tech marketer seeks to dismantle in her new data-driven documentary called Death To Thirty.
Released on International Women's Day 2024, Death To Thirty features commentaries from women aged 22 to 39 on their joys around aging, what growing older means to them and how they have navigated societal expectations around turning 30.
Better to Speak recently spoke to Ore Badmus, the brain behind the documentary to know what inspired it and more.
Better to Speak: First of all, congratulations on your documentary. It is an important and timely piece of work. This is especially true in the feminist discourse of today which is seeing more women's rights rolled back and an agitation for early marriage and zero financial independence for women. Can you talk more about what inspired you to create this documentary?
Ore Badmus: Thank you for your kind words, Angel. It is indeed a timely piece, and most importantly, one told by women, of women, for women.
The inspiration came from when I was turning 30. I pride myself in having had strong opinions on women-related matters as a child and being numb to some stereotypes but as I approached 30, it felt like I couldn’t hold those worries and voices at bay. They came rushing. Hard.
No one visibly put pressure on me yet they felt familiar. With that came some soul searching, and some conversations being had, and the more I reached out to women and shared experiences, the more it became apparent that there was a story here that needed to be told. Women ARE thriving in their 30s, women ARE discovering themselves in their 30s, women ARE having mind-blowing sex in their 30s, women ARE all of these and more beyond the socialization of the big 30. And we need to tell these experiences and remove any mystery around how women fare when the big age comes.
Death to Thirty challenges every socialized norm, perception, and stereotype reserved for women in their 30s outside of their personal fulfillment.
Better to Speak: One area that your documentary seems very passionate about is dispelling the idea that women "expire" at the age of thirty. Would you say that the fear of being unmarried, unaccomplished and seen as "leftover goods" has seen women get into situations and marriages that do not serve them in the long run?
Ore Badmus: Oh absolutely. When you grow up hearing there’s a decline in how useful you are as a woman once you hit thirty, you’re bound to make certain choices knowingly or unknowingly. You’ve been conditioned all your life that that’s the greatest achievement as a woman, get married, and early, biological clock going tick-tock, you tend to compromise on salient concerns just to be married before “the decline”. Mind you, these decisions are made during our first years of adulthood, and some aspects of self are yet to be fully formed. I believe our match quality increases with age. I read in A Theory of Marriage that later marriages benefit from a maturity effect. One I say women who are pressured to make certain unpleasant choices at earlier ages are robbed of.
Better to Speak: In most Black communities and in Nigeria, a woman is praised not just when she gets married but also when she has a child. What do you have to say to people who insist on women marrying early and to just anyone regardless of character so as to "preserve fertility". What are your thoughts on that?
Ore Badmus: First, I’d like to say the biological clock thing is real. The moment I turned 30, reproductive issues started rearing their heads: I was diagnosed with fibroids which are some tumors saying hey, if you’re not gonna carry a baby, we’ll grow in here instead. Lol.
You read that the number and quality of your eggs reduce as you age, and there’s nothing you did that contributed to that, nothing you can do to stop that, it just is the reality.
Now, secondly, what I would say is to let women make their choices armed with all the information they need. It is not in anyone’s place to make decisions for women or pressure them into making life-changing decisions just because of a situation they have no control over. Thankfully in this century, there are options that women can explore to still have the life they desire. Regardless, in spite, despite.
Women need not be pressured into making decisions that do not serve us just to preserve fertility. And for some women, the discourse of preserving fertility doesn’t matter because they don’t want children. Let women want what they want, let women live how they want.
Better to Speak: This documentary focuses heavily on sisterhood, female friendships and women forming solidarity with one another as a path to healing. In making this documentary, what are some of the personal beliefs of yours about women that were challenged or improved upon?
Ore Badmus: I used to be one of the girlies that was all about male friendships and how ‘easy’ they were then along the line, sometime in my mid-late twenties, I discovered the joys of female friendships and watching the women of Death to Thirty speak on their own experiences, it solidified my resolve. Female friendships are one of the most beautiful bonds to exist, when it is a genuine fellowship and connection, they make your life infinitely more beautiful.
Better to Speak: You are a woman who is the definition of being a multi-hyphenate creative. You write. You act. You paint. You sing. You make films. You also work in tech and have taught in a school. I'm curious to know your journey in embracing the multiple parts of your purpose and why it is necessary for women to never limit ourselves.
Ore Badmus: Haha, I didn’t see that coming. Girl, the multi-hyphenate journey is a turbulent one, at least for me. In the initial stages. Because you can do so many things and do them so well too, it becomes increasingly difficult to sit with one and focus or decide what to do per time. Because of “jack of all trades master of none…” you try to make yourself choose one path, but your insides are bursting with a world of expressions that need to be let out. It’s not a nice place to be but when it dawns on you that you are created exactly how you should be and show up to the world, you begin to embrace all the parts of you that the world needs to see. And it is so important to show up as our authentic selves, whatever that might look like, multi-hyphenate inclusive. It is important for women to re-invent themselves as many times as they desire. It is important for us to bring those daring dreams to life. It is important for women to reach and be included in spaces that can help our reach.
Better to Speak: What would you say is the greatest challenge to overcoming the popularly held idea that being single means a woman is miserable? How do you advise women who are single and nearing 30 to navigate family members who pressure them into marriages, endlessly matchmake and do this under the pretext of wanting them to be happy and not miserable?
Ore Badmus: The centuries-long systemic reinforcements of that idea.
I honestly cannot dictate this is what women who find themselves in such situations should do. Everyone’s reality comes with its own unique experiences with varying factors. But one thing I’ll say is, make sure you’re empowered enough to be independent because there’s a lot of isolation that comes with fighting these battles.
Better to Speak: In the creative industry and in the portrayal of women in films and media, what's that one thing you hope that your documentary will challenge and shed more light on?
Ore Badmus: The joys of aging in womanhood.
Better to Speak: As a filmmaker and writer, who are some of the women who you admire? Can you list three of them?
Ore Badmus: Hmmn…tough tough, okay, Tope Oshin. She was the first woman I saw transition from acting to directing. As a child, I watched her on my screens, and then she directed me on my first soap opera gig, Tinsel.
I admire Nadine Ibrahim for the kind of stories she tells.
Biodun Stephen for her story into filmmaking.
I’ll add Ava Duvernay.
Better to Speak: Finally, if you could give a piece of advice to the 25-year-old you what would it be?
Ore Badmus: Ore, those voices in your head are interpreting everything based on past information, live in the now, do you. Speak up. Embrace leadership.
Death To Thirty can be watched here: bit.ly/DeathToThirty
Angel Nduka-Nwosu (she/her) is a Nigerian writer, editor and journalist.
